Świadomość względności czasu dociera do mnie szczególnie w tych momentach, gdy spędzam czas na twardych krzesełkach przed gabinetami lekarskimi. Przyznam, że po powrocie do domu ze zdziwieniem odkrywam, że na mojej twarzy nie ma nowych zmarszczek, a na głowie siwych włosów.
Jednym z od lat odwiedzanych przeze mnie specjalistów jest sympatyczny, rzetelny w swojej specjalizacji lekarz, który ma ogólnie znaną słabość do bardzo młodych kobiet. Dzięki mojemu numerowi PESEL i nałogowej lojalności wobec Mężczyzny znajduję się w bezpiecznej strefie, miejscu, w którym nie grożą mi zaloty od pana w białym kitlu. W razie czego, zło podobno nigdy nie śpi, w trakcie każdej wizyty namiętnie w swoje wypowiedzi wtrącam słowa „mój mąż”.
Sytuacja sprzed kilku dni. Wchodzę do poczekalni i zajmuję jedno z niewielu pustych, twardych krzeseł (zawsze po tym dziadostwie szukam siniaków, wiadomo gdzie). Omiatam dyskretnym (mam taką nadzieję) wzrokiem wyeksponowane biusty czekających pań. Z gabinetu wychodzi właśnie bardzo młoda dziewczyna, więc spojrzeniem odprowadzam jej do połowy odsłonięte przez spodenki jędrne pośladki. Jest ciepło i większość pań oprócz pięknie wyeksponowanych (serio – bardzo pięknie) biustów ma na sobie krótkie szorty. Kto w tym momencie pomyślał, że czekam na wizytę u ortopedy, czy innym specjaliście od chorób kończyn dolnych, jest w błędzie.
– Pan doktor jest taki bardzo szarmancki.
Wyławiam te słowa spośród innych, które nieznacznie w tym momencie cichną. Po nich padają kolejne peany pod adresem lekarza.
– Takich to ze świecą szukać.
– Na męża by się nadawał.
– Pomarzyć można, za to nie sadzają.
Kilka krzesełek dalej siedzą dwie panie, na oko po pięćdziesiątce (czyli rówieśniczki pana doktora). Ich wypowiedziom towarzyszą głębokie (tęskne?) westchnienia. Rozmowa o lekarzu roztacza coraz szersze kręgi, w końcu dołącza się do niej młody chłopak, rodzynek w tym damskim gronie.
– Pan doktor to jednak lubi trochę młodsze.
Gdyby spojrzenia potrafiły zadawać fizyczne rany to biedny chłopak wykrwawiłby się na śmierć w ciągu kilku następnych sekund po wypowiedzianych dobitnie, z szerokim uśmiechem na opalonej twarzy, głośnych słowach. Zamiast tego w powietrzu rozległo się kilka sapnięć i jedno, wymruczane pod nosem, słowo „smarkacz”.
Tylko jedna osoba nie śmiała się. Była to młoda, śliczna blondynka. Zajmowała krzesełko tuż obok mnie. Jej porcelanową cerę oblekł ognisty rumieniec, co zwróciło uwagę siedzącej blisko niej, jedynej chyba w poczekalni, starszej pani. Gdy po kilku minutach powietrze znowu zapełniły prowadzone jednocześnie przyciszonymi głosami różne rozmowy, włożyłam do uszu słuchawki. Nie zdążyłam włączyć dźwięku, gdy starsza pani przysunęła się do ucha ślicznej blondynki.
– Niech się wstydzi ten, co kradnie i się nie podzieli, nie ty słoneczko.
I puściła do niej konspiracyjne „oczko”.
Po powrocie do domu tym razem chyba miałam nowe zmarszczki. Takie ze śmiechu, życzliwego śmiechu. Trudno nie zgodzić się ze starszą panią z poczekalni. Niech się wstydzi ten, co kradnie. Nie powinno nikogo obchodzić to, co ktoś robi w swoim łóżku i z kim. Gdyby więcej ludzi miało taki zabawny dystans do świata, jak owa starsza pani, wszystkim nam żyłoby się zdecydowanie lepiej. W końcu „przyciasne gumy w gaciach” muszą strasznie wpijać się w skórę, prawda?
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