Oto przykład jednego z bardziej absurdalnych, kobiecych lęków, jakie miałam niedawno przyjemność poznać.
Wieczorna rozmowa telefoniczna.
– Wiesz, martwię się.
– Czym? Przecież przed chwilą pisałaś, że wszystko cudownie wam się układa.
– Ale…
– Już nie wymyślaj sobie problemów.
Chwila ciszy w słuchawce. Poddaję się.
– No dobra, o co chodzi?
– Martwię się o niego.
O ile mi wiadomo, mąż znajomej jest okazem zdrowia, więc czuję się lekko zdezorientowana.
– Bo wiesz, za trzy tygodnie stuknie mu czterdziestka piątka!
-I?
– I jak nic zacznie mi się starzeć!
Parsknęłam śmiechem.
– Przecież on ciągle biega na basen, jeździ na siłownię, podobno zdrowo się odżywiacie, więc o co ci chodzi?
Pauza po drugiej stronie. Słyszę głębokie westchnienie znajomej. Wiecie, z rodzaju „o rany, ja to mam ciężko”.
– Może tego tak na zewnątrz nie widać, ale to nie jest już ten młody chłopak, który mnie oczarował na studiach.
Stan mojej dezorientacji znacznie wzrasta (przecież parę tygodni temu słuchałam jej gorących wyznań miłości do życiowego partnera!). Nagle w mojej głowie rozlega się dzwonek alarmowy. Wykrzykuję w słuchawkę:
– Nie mów tylko, że go zdradzasz?!
Po drugiej stronie odpowiada mi stłumione prychnięcie.
– Gdzie tam!
– No to, o co ci chodzi?
– Jak by to ująć… Zamierzam go zdradzić. Ale tylko raz i w celach poznawczych.
Wytłumaczenie kiepskie, jak każde inne, prawda?
– Daj spokój, co za durny powód i jeszcze durniejszy pomysł!
Wtedy znajoma wprowadza mnie w krąg swoich fobii. Otóż, kiedy była dwunastoletnią dziewczynką, zobaczyła – jej zdaniem – najgorszą rzecz w świecie! Potworność nad potwornościami! Któregoś pięknego świątecznego poranka (nie pamięta nawet, czy to była Wielkanoc czy Boże Narodzenie) wbiegła do gościnnego pokoju, zapominając o starym wujku, który przyjechał do jej rodziców z wizytą. Ów starszy pan, jak się okazało, sypiał bez bielizny – „dla zdrowotności”.
– Ty sobie nawet nie wyobrażasz, jakie to było wstrętne, fuj!
Jej odczucia estetyczne na zawsze splamił widok nagich, obwisłych, starczych męskich pośladków.
– Właśnie dlatego muszę to zrobić. Facet jest starszy o dziesięć lat od mojego, równie wysportowany, zadbany. To tak, jakbym zobaczyła przyszłość.
Zaczęłam się śmiać. Eksperyment pośladkowy znajomej rozłożył mnie na łopatki. Dawno nie słyszałam głupszego pomysłu. Jej przystojnemu, wysportowanemu mężowi groziło przyprawienie rogów, ponieważ żona chciała się przekonać, czy będzie w stanie znieść starszą wersję jego pośladków.
– Daj sobie z tym spokój. Chyba brakuje ci zajęć, skoro wymyśliłaś sobie coś takiego.
– Ale ja naprawdę się boję, że kiedyś obudzę się w naszej sypialni, zsunie się kołdra z łóżka, a ja zobaczę obwisłą, starczą…. brrrr..
Kobiety lubią się zamartwiać. Znajoma nigdy nie kryła i nie kryje swojej niechęci do jakichkolwiek ćwiczeń fizycznych. Mimo to martwi się estetyką starzejącego się tyłka swojego wysportowanego męża. Ciekawe, prawda?🤔Wiem, jestem teraz złośliwa. Jeszcze tego samego wieczora przesłałam jej pewien dowcip (do przeczytania pod wpisem), wraz z dopiskiem: „Uważaj, żeby Cię mąż nie przyłapał tym eksperymencie 😎”.
Facetowi żona zaczęła mówić przez sen. Jakieś jęki i imię Rysiek…
Niewątpliwie doprawiała mu rogi i facet szybko doszedł do takiego samego wniosku. Aby to sprawdzić, pewnego dnia udał, że wychodzi do pracy, po czym schował się w szafie. Patrzy, a tu żona idzie pod prysznic, układa sobie włosy, maluje się, perfumuje i w samej koszulce nocnej wraca do łóżka. W tym momencie otwierają się drzwi i wchodzi Rysiek…
Super przystojny, wysoki, śniada cera, czarne, bujne włosy – jednym słowem bóstwo.
Facet w szafie myśli: „Muszę przyznać, że ten Rysiek to ma klasę!”.
Rysiek zdejmuje powoli koszulę oraz spodnie, same stylowe ciuchy, najmodniejsze i najdroższe w tym sezonie.
Facet w szafie myśli: „Szlag, ale ten Rysiek, to jednak jest za….isty!”.
Rysiek kończy się rozbierać od pasa w górę, a tu na brzuchu mięśnie krateczka-kaloryfer, wysportowany, a klatka jak u gladiatora.
Facet w szafie myśli: „Ten Rysiek to ekstra gość!”.
Rysiek zdejmuje super-trendy bokserki, a tu penis – cudowny, pierwsza klasa.
Facet w szafie myśli: „O żesz ty, Rysiek jest rewelacyjny!” .
W tym momencie żona zdejmuje koszulę nocną i pojawia się ciało z cellulitisem, obwisłe piersi, rozstępy…
Facet w szafie myśli: „Ja pier..lę! Ale wstyd przed Ryśkiem”.
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