Moja znajoma nie wiedziała, czy chce zostać w przyszłości matką. Poznałam ją jako wesołą dwudziestolatkę, studentkę, dziewczynę pełną ognia i kapitalnego poczucia humoru. Gdy wchodziła do pomieszczenia robiło się w nim jakby jaśniej i każdy czekał, aż G. zacznie coś szybko opowiadać tym swoim wiecznie podszytym śmiechem głosem.
Mieszkałam wtedy w Bydgoszczy, ot, skromny pokoik (jeden z wielu wynajmowanych przez studentów) z dostępem do dużej łazienki oraz niewielkiej kuchni. Nasza gospodyni uwielbiała nadawać nam, młodziutkim kobietom, ksywki. Była więc wśród nas „Gwiazda”, „Anioł”, „Aktorzyca”, „Mała”, „Sarenka”. G. dostała miano „Matulki”. Dlaczego?
– Masz dziewczyno w sobie tyle ciepła, że ogrzałabyś nim cały sierociniec!
Tak swój wybór uzasadniła nasza przemiła, starsza gospodyni. Zgadzałam się z nią – G. promieniowała wewnętrznym blaskiem. Nie była wiotką kobietką. Wysoka, z pokaźną, wypiętą pupą, okazałymi piersiami i jowialną, szeroką twarzą, na której królowały niezwykłej urody czarne oczy – ta dziewczyna zdecydowanie rzucała się w oczy. Miała aksamitny tembr głosu, który przynosił ulgę zmęczonym codziennym zgiełkiem miasta uszom.
„Matulka” była bardzo kochliwa. Przez okres kilku miesięcy, gdy dzieliłyśmy tę samą kuchnię i łazienkę, przez jej życie przewinęło się sporo chłopaków. W każdym była zakochana po uszy. Miłość była jej naturalnym żywiołem.
G.kosztowała życia bez skrupułów. Jej apetyt na uciechy ograniczał jedynie strach przed niechcianą ciążą. Którejś nocy, po wypiciu butelki wina, wydusiła z siebie:
– Bo ja nie wiem, czy chcę w ogóle mieć dzieci!
Gdy z jej ust padły te słowa, oblała się szkarłatnym rumieńcem. Okazało się, że wstydzi się swoich wątpliwości dotyczących macierzyństwa. Była jedynaczką, jej wspaniali rodzice od zawsze powtarzali, że córka wypełni ich wielki, rodzinny dom gromadką dzieci.
– Gdybym to powiedziała mamie, padłaby trupem!
G.dramatyzowała. Kilka lat później odważyła się i powiedziała rodzicom o swoich wątpliwościach. Nikt nie padł trupem.
– Znajdziesz tego właściwego, to ci się odmieni. Nie ty pierwsza, nie ostatnia tak masz.
Mama G. uznała, że nie ma się czym martwić na zapas.
Mijały lata. Straciłam kontakt z G. Nie sądziłam, że jeszcze kiedykolwiek usłyszę ten aksamitny głos. Kilka miesięcy temu G. napisała do mnie wiadomość. Bardzo się ucieszyłam.
Minęło kilkanaście lat od naszego ostatniego spotkania, ale jej oczy nie straciły nic ze swojej wyjątkowości. Tamtego popołudnia przegadałyśmy kilka godzin. Okazało się, że mama G. zmarła kilka lat wcześniej, ojciec – z wielkimi trudnościami – zaczynał układać swoje życie na nowo.
– I wiesz, co? Sama zostałam matką! Wtedy, gdy mojej mamie powiedzieli, że ma góra kilka miesięcy życia powiedziałam sobie – raz kozie śmierć! Mama tak się ucieszyła, że miałam nadzieję, wiesz, że to coś zmieni, że stanie się cud, czy coś… A nawet nie zdążyła zobaczyć wnuka.
Jakiś czas później, w nocy, obudził mnie dźwięk komunikatora.
– Możesz?
Pewnie, że mogłam. Nie odmawiam nocnych rozmów, bo te nigdy nie są kaprysem tylko potrzebą.
G.została matką tuż przed czterdziestym rokiem życia. Wnuk nie sprawił, że jej mama cudownie ozdrowiała. Życie G. uległo diametralnej zmianie. Swój czas dzieliła między małym dzieckiem, a zagubionym ojcem, który nie radził sobie z żałobą. Tak minęły jej ostatnie dwa lata życia.
– Pamiętasz, jak się wstydziłam swoich wątpliwości?
Pamiętałam.
– Teraz wstydzę się czegoś innego. Że byłam tak beznadziejnie głupia i je zignorowałam.
P.S. 1. Ta historia nie zakończy się żadną pointą. Zgodnie z życzeniem G. zakończyłam opowieść zdaniem, które przesłała mi tamtej nocy.
P.S. 2. Ostatnio poznałam trzydziestolatkę. Bawił mnie fakt, że otoczenie notorycznie rzucało w jej stronę teksty w stylu: „już czas na dziecko”. Mnie bawił, przypuszczam, że ją lekko irytował. Która kobieta nie słyszała ego typu „aluzji”, prawda? A przecież również w przypadku tych, które od „zawsze” wiedzą, że chcą mieć dzieci występują przeróżne czynniki, znaki zapytania, z którymi uporać musi się sama zainteresowana tematem rodzicielstwa. Innym nic do tego.
P.S. 3. Do G. – pamiętasz, jak kiedyś mnie pocieszałaś? Piłka jest cały czas w grze 🙂 W moim przypadku miałaś rację, więc… Ty wiesz co👌💪
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Camping out is among one of Americas very best customs, nonetheless many people make common errors when venturing out for the wonderful outdoors. These post has some helpful advice on tips on how to help make your following camping outdoors journey more enjoyable while outstanding as secure as possible. Read on to understand some crucial camping outdoors recommendations. Prepare appropriately in relation to foods. It is a trouble to create place within your automobile for the food you want. However, proper sustenance is very important if you are inside the forests. Also, items which are fairly economical inside your local retail store usually have a increased price tag in close proximity to camping outdoors websites. Bringing enough meals ensures that you will save money and keep anyone with your loved ones inside a great mood. If you are camping out, a necessity for the equipment can be a emergency blade. This is the most essential a part of your camping out products. Get a top quality survival knife, not simply the cheapest you will find, your daily life might rely on it. These kitchen knives are all extremely very similar these people have a very long blade serrated on one part plus a hollow handle. Within the deal with you are able to carry sportfishing collection, hooks, a compass, and matches like a tiny survival set. Outdoor camping is certainly a fun time, but there might also be uninvited guests at the campsite. That are these guests? Little bugs! This is certainly their surroundings plus they like camping out, too. Be sure you have bugged repellent along with you to tell these to stop at their own campsite or to go go to other travelers who weren’t as well prepared while you had been. Look at buying economical walkie-talkies to take with you on your own following camping outdoors vacation to supply a method to communicate with everybody with your bash in areas where mobile phone party may not be offered. This may be specifically essential in case you are camping out with kids and desire to monitor their whereabouts. This info has helped the thing is that camping outdoors may be pleasant and successful. Start using these strategies for advice when organizing your approaching camping getaway. This way, you’ll be capable of prevent the outdoor camping issues and revel in all of the good stuff about this.
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You’ve never camped prior to? You’re missing out! There is certainly absolutely nothing much better than heading awakening next to the outdoors. Or else knowing what to do to get prepared for a camping outdoors getaway has organised you back again, this post is excellent for you. Usually go on a completely filled first-support set whenever you venture out on a outdoor camping journey. It is possible to created your personal kit with bandages, gauze patches, tweezers, scissors, anti- germs skin cream and antiseptic baby wipes in the durable container. You can even buy among the many superb completely ready-made kits to save lots of time. When you are camping out, absolutely essential to your equipment can be a survival knife. This is the most important part of your camping products. Acquire a superior quality surviving knife, not merely the cheapest you can find, your daily life may possibly depend on it. These knives are all very similar these people have a long blade serrated on one part along with a hollow handle. Inside the deal with you may hold sport fishing range, hooks, a compass, and suits like a little emergency package. If you are going on the outdoor camping journey, ensure you have plenty of time to setup camp just before dim. It may be extremely hard to put together camp out in the dark and perhaps harmful. You have to be in a position to look the landscape, put together bedding, and perhaps create some momentary protection before the sun heading down. Consider acquiring inexpensive walkie-talkies to take on your own following camping out vacation to provide a approach to keep in touch with every person within your bash in places that cellphone reception will not be available. This can be specially essential in case you are camping with children and need to keep track of their whereabouts. Getting to know what you should know about camping is a superb factor to possess in your thoughts. Even though you aren’t likely to prepare a camping out journey in the near future, it can be no less than a smart idea to make certain you know what it will choose to use go camping for future assistance.
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