Test na wykrycie czarownicy

 

 

Kilka lat temu, gdy w moim domu pojawiła się czarna kulka kociego nieszczęścia, nie miałam żadnych złych przeczuć. Najwidoczniej moja intuicja ucięła sobie wtedy porządną drzemkę. Skoro komuś przyszło do głowy palenie „złych” książek, miniaturki słonia, drewnianej egzotycznej maski oraz figurki czarnego kota*, to ktoś inny  może – drogą dedukcji opartej na przesądach – dojść do wniosku, że czarny kot to jeden z atrybutów kobiety zajmującej się magią. Zwolennicy gnostyckich herezji dobrze wiedzą, że nic tak nie zwalcza zła, jak porządny ogień (uwaga: dotyczy czarownic, w przypadku wampirów skuteczniejszy jest czosnek i tradycyjny osikowy kołek!). Tak oto, zdradzona przez własną intuicję, być może stanę się celem tych, którzy w dwudziestym pierwszym wieku postanowią walczyć z magią „tradycyjnymi” metodami. Jak pokazuje historia naszego świata, kobiety często uważane były za nosicielki „ciemnych mocy”.

Apogeum walki ze złem, które przybrało postać kobiecą, przypadło na czas działania Inkwizycji. Opublikowana „krwawa” księga  nosząca wymowny tytuł: „Młot na czarownice”,  zawierała ostrzeżenia przed groźbą wolnomyślicielstwa kobiet i pouczała, jak takie kobiety odnajdywać, torturować i eliminować . Czarownicami dla kościoła katolickiego były kobiety zajmujące się nauką, religią, Cyganki, zielarki i wszystkie te, które miały odwagę i chęć zmieniania świata na trochę lepsze miejsce do życia. Jednym z drastycznych przykładów takiego podejścia do płci pięknej był los ówczesnych położnych. Kobiety te, posługując się wiedzą zielarską i zapewne znajomością psychiki ludzkiej, umiały zmniejszać ból rodzącej matki. Takim działaniem dopuszczały się grzechu, który czynił je w oczach kościoła czarownicami. Zdaniem tej instytucji męki rodzącej były całkowicie przez nią zasłużone, gdyż to właśnie jedna z kobiet – Ewa, pierwsza grzesznica według religii katolickiej –zerwała jabłko wiedzy w raju.

Polowanie na czarownice trwało parę wieków, do dzisiaj nie ustalono dokładnej liczby ofiar tych barbarzyńskich mordów. Na stosach spłonęło wiele setek tysięcy kobiet. Ich jedynym grzechem było to, że robiły użytek z własnej głowy – myślały.

 

Jak rozpoznać czarownicę według starych, kościelnych receptur? Proszę bardzo, oto prosty test. Do eksperymentu będzie Wam potrzebna jedna, chętna nowych wrażeń koleżanka. Teściowa? Złośliwa sąsiadka? Macie wolny wybór… Ograniczają was jedynie przepisy prawa karnego, o którym radzę nie zapominać 😉

 

Pierwszym krokiem, jaki czynimy w tej kwestii, jest delikatna prośba skierowana w stronę  – bardziej lub mniej świadomej waszych zamiarów  – ochotniczki.

Wiesz, mam prośbę, czy mogłabyś zmówić (tu wymieniamy jakąś popularną modlitwę) w intencji mojej cioci.

Kobieta zapewne się zdziwi, ale zawsze możesz jej powiedzieć, że owa ciocia jest bardzo, ale to bardzo chora – w tym momencie musisz posłużyć się dyplomatyczną perswazją. Gdy obiekt Twoich badań zacznie głośno recytować modlitwę, masz jedno zadanie. Jeżeli chociaż jeden raz zająknie się, pomyli słowo – to jasny znak, że w jej głowie miesza diabeł.

 

Z pełną powagi twarzą przechodzimy teraz do omówienia drugiego etapu eksperymentu. Prosisz kobietę, by pokazała Ci swoje odsłonięte ramiona, szyję (nie wypada prosić o zdjęcie bluzki, ale i tam powinnaś dyskretnie „przeczesać” spojrzeniem teren). Szukasz podejrzanych narośli, brodawek, a nawet tzw. trzeciego sutka (podobno właśnie nim czarownica karmi swojego pieszczoszka, diabełka). W dwudziestym pierwszym wieku Twoja ochotniczka nie ma szans na przejście tego etapu bez negatywnych adnotacji – kąpiele słoneczne zażywane w trakcie urlopów na pewno zostawiły na niej swoje ślady w postaci kilku przebarwień, pieprzyków.

Etap trzeci to najprzyjemniejsza część eksperymentu. Zwykła pogawędka znajomych przy kawie. Rozmawiacie o pracy, dzieciach, ciuchach, no i oczywiście, domowych zwierzakach.

– Mój pies pogryzł kolejną parę butów. Też tak masz ze swoim?

– Na szczęście nie.

Być może w tym momencie twarz Twojej znajomej rozjaśni uśmiech.

Mam uroczego, cudownego kiciusia. Naszego lenia kanapowego.

I wszystko jasne. Każda czarownica posiada takiego milusińskiego, kota, w którego wciela się diabeł, czasami nawet ona sama korzysta z jego zwierzęcej postaci.

 

Czwarty etap eksperymentu jest tym najtrudniejszym do zorganizowania (przypominam – prawo karne!). To tzw. „próba wody”. Po niej będziesz wiedziała, czy masz przyjemność obcowania z czarownicą. Tutaj musisz już trochę bardziej pokombinować. Nie możesz przecież ot tak związać obiektu swojej obserwacji  i wrzucić do kąpieli. Szukasz więc w okolicy jakiegoś zalewiska, głębokiej rzeki. Nieważne, jakie miejsce wybierzesz. Najistotniejsze jest to, co będzie się działo, gdy już obiekt Twojego eksperymentu zostanie wepchnięty do głębokiej wody. Są dwa scenariusze – kobieta wypływa na powierzchnię i wrzeszcząc z przerażenia (i uzasadnionej wściekłości) płynie ku najbliższemu brzegowi. W tym momencie masz bardzo ważny powód, żeby jak najszybciej opuścić okolicę „próby wody” bowiem tylko czarownica potrafi utrzymać się na wodzie (oczywiście dzięki pomocy diabła, nobliwa kobieta ma w sobie tyle przyzwoitości, że tonie, jak kamień). Uciekaj, właśnie naraziłaś się prawdziwej wiedźmie! Kolejny powód Twojej nagłej asekuracji z miejsca zdarzenia jest następujący – kobieta skorzysta zapewne z magii dwudziestego pierwszego wieku, czyli wezwie policję. Drugi scenariusz bierze pod uwagę to, że wybrana przez Ciebie niewiasta nie jest jednak czarownicą i ze swoją czystą duszą właśnie się topi. To, czy będziesz w stanie jej pomóc osobiście zależy już od tego, czy w Twojej duszy mieszka diabeł (przypominam – nobliwa niewiasta nie unosi się na wodzie!). Ta część eksperymentu na pewno znacznie zwiększy Twoją samoświadomość 😉

 

 

Te cztery etapy, których scenariusze przedstawiłam powyżej, dzisiejszemu człowiekowi wydadzą się zapewne zwykłym żartem, z którego można się radośnie ponabijać. I dobrze, bo to jest  żart, okrutna kpina, przez którą zginęło wielu niewinnych, bezbronnych ludzi. Jednak w czasach, gdy stosy płonęły żywymi kobietami, pewna grupa ludzi nie uważała tego typu testów za absurdalne tylko przede wszystkim za bardzo przydatne. Stanowiły one jedne z wielu sposobów na rządzenie ówczesnym społeczeństwem. Ludźmi w większości niepiśmiennymi, z mierną wiedzą na temat mechanizmów działania świata, w którym rodzili się i umierali. Tłumem, którym kierował strach przed nieznanym.

Dzisiejszy świat jest inny. Mamy szczepionki, które chronią nas przed epidemiami, leki, które dbają o zdrowie nasze i zwierząt. Nikt już nie zarzuca kobietom odbierania krowom mleka, czy rzucania uroków przynoszących choroby, a nawet śmierć. Tak, świat jest inny. Niestety, moim zdaniem czas nie biegnie linearnie. Dowodem na to jest stos, w którym spłonęły przedmioty, którym ktoś przypisał złe moce. Zupełnie, jak kiedyś, prawda? Wychodzi na to, że część ludzi żyje w dwudziestym pierwszym wieku, jednak niektórzy wciąż żyją dawno, dawno temu…

 

 

 

 

*Nawiązanie do spalenia stosu książek, artefaktów przez ks. Rafała z koszalińskiej fundacji SMS z Nieba. Jest we mnie głęboka wiara, że w dzisiejszych czasach większość ludzi rozumie, że żaden przedmiot nie jest ani dobry, ani zły – znaczenie nadaje mu sposób użycia, czyli jego użytkownik, człowiek. Nielicznym (uff) popierającym „stos” przypominam – jeżeli wierzycie w jednego Boga, sugerowanie, że jakiś przedmiot posiada magiczną moc, a poprzez spalenie go niszczy się mieszkające w nim zło, sugeruje Waszą wiarę w wielobóstwo (politeizm). Błądzenie – rzecz ludzka, tak jak czynienie zła i dobra. Wybór należy do nas 🙂

 

 

#natretnemyslibymarzena

 

 

 

 

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